Monday, April 30, 2012


So, I lost 4 pounds this week. 4 POUNDS! Hey, I am celebrating any little loss I have (they are so far and few between). But I may have undone all my work just tonight. You see, I love to look at food magazines (don't worry - I'm getting there). My sister gave me a subscription to Food Network Magazine for my birthday last year and I have LOVED it. Well, in the latest issue, there was a Dulce de Leche Crepe Cake. 15 chocolate crepes layered with a luscious Dulce de Leche filling topped with whipped cream. I wanted to try that cake but I knew that serving it to my family was like making it all for myself. So tonight was the perfect opportunity since we were feeding the missionaries. Two more strapping young men to eat what I know I shouldn't. It was a hit, it was oh, so good; oh, so rich; and oh, such a bad idea to keep in my fridge. Ok, so mine looked exactly like this one in the Food Network Magazine, EXCEPT mine was a sad droopy mess - happily and deliciously sloppy, but sloppy nonetheless. I think if I ever make this again I'll pipe the filling on.

Someday, I hope to be able to have balance and be able to enjoy food, but be smart in my eating.  I have a feeling, though, that it's going to be a struggle for the rest of my life. I've just got to take it one day at a time. And some of those days have to include yummy desserts. 

I've mentioned the show "My 600 Pound Life" on TLC before. I was watching the "Where They Are Now" episode last night and the host asked each of them about support. It made me think about the role of my family and friends. I can see that being the friends or family of someone quite overweight is a tricky place to be. There is having acceptance for who your loved one is, big or small. There is wanting the best for that person and their happiness - the two of which might be in conflict.  There is a fine line between not approving of that person's choices and  being critical and negative. There is also wanting to keep that person happy (or in other words, keep the peace), and sometimes enabling the unhealthy behavior. There has to be a way to be supportive without supporting the habit. Unfortunately, we all still have to eat - we just can't stop eating. But there are definitely better choices that we can make. And while we each are responsible for our choices, those that love us can help.

If you love someone who is eating themselves into a hole (or too big for the hole, as the case may be), there is, in my opinion, something wrong - either medically or emotionally. There is a difference between being lazy and gaining a little weight and seriously packing on the pounds. Here are some things that I have thought of: 

  • Talking about it can go a long way, but just a warning, it can be taken wrongly. Be as gentle as you can, but be honest. Your loved one may not be ready to talk the first time you bring it up. But keep talking. Seek medical help when necessary.

  • If you buy the food, don't support the habit. We can't keep potato chips in our house anymore, keeping those "trigger" foods around is just dangerous. In fact, cooking differently may be necessary. My sister and her husband cook a meal and then may eat the leftovers for a day or two. That is really smart cooking. But when I have a lot of dinner leftovers, I have a hard time keeping my servings to just one. If I make just enough for my family, I cannot overeat.

  • Don't use food as a reward. That is hard. There are always celebrations and food is usually part of those. I recently, after Boy #2's Well-Child-Visit (and vaccinations), took him for ice-cream. What message does that send?  When we are hurt, we reach for the ice-cream. Is that what I want my child to learn? What could I have done differently to soothe his hurt?

I'd love to hear your thoughts about how to be supportive without criticizing. I'd love some ideas how to teach my children healthy attitudes about food and eating. I don't want them to inherit my bad ideology. Tell me what's worked - or not -  for you. Have a good week, my friends. 

Sunday, April 22, 2012

WHINER! Who, me?

I've decided that writing a blog consistently is hard. Does that sound whiny enough? No?  It's haaaaaaarrrrrrd!! There, that felt more like it.  I have felt like I had nothing to say. I guess what's really going on is that I'm not losing weight. This is supposed to be my blog about losing weight. And writing about NOT losing weight is boring (and embarrassing). I mean, how many excuses can I have? I eat too much and don't get enough exercise. Wah!! My feet and knee hurt. Waaah! My mommy and daddy gave me bad genes (sorry, Mom). Wah! Wah!  I've tried to find things that will inspire me - books, other blogs, articles, etc. And they do - until it's time to eat. I am incredibly strong between meals.  I stay on my plan until dinnertime and I put something yummy in my mouth - even if it is "healthy". Too much of healthy is still too much.  As you can see, I'm having a hard time looking at food as fuel.

So instead of any more whining about what I'm doing wrong, I'm going to write about what I am doing right - and try to focus on that this week.
  • I am going to the gym regularly. Yes, right now it is only twice a week, but as soon as pre-school is finito I can go most days. It is also a sad state of affairs that the hardest part of my work out is climbing out of the pool. In front of all the cute little kiddos (and their cute little moms) waiting for swim lessons. But the poor life-guard that helps me out told me the first time, "Just come back, okay?" And I have.
  • I eat a salad most days for lunch. If I don't have one for lunch, I have salad for or with my dinner. I have even gotten to the point that I miss it if I go a couple of days without one. Sometimes I am lazy (no! really?) and don't want to go to the store to stock up on fresh fruits and veggies. But I miss those salads of mine. 
  • I rarely eat at night anymore. I know I've whined about this before. I thought it was why I had gained so much, but since cutting it out, I've not lost, so it's not the sole reason. But it is not healthy, so it had to go. 
  • I talk to my boys about eating healthy food. Eating healthily and losing weight has been a topic of conversation around here. Healthy food is emphasized, hopefully, not too much. I don't want to create further problems with food in this family. 
As I've talked about before, I am far from where I need to be but I've got some good things going on here. So I'm going to go on with the going on - that, and try harder each day. That's all we really can do. It will come, I hope. 

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Just Ask Already!

So much for being back on track. I had such a relaxing weekend, I fell asleep on the couch Sunday night and didn't finish my post! I had such a great pre-night's sleep nap, though. I LOVE sleep, but I really crave alone time and the two conflict a lot since my alone time comes when our boys are sleeping. During that time, I read, watch my trashy TV shows, and sometimes, just sit and savor the quiet. As much as I love my alone time and/or sleep, I love my boys more. As much as they drive me crazy, as much as they tick me off, as much as they annoy me, I would do just about anything to make sure they are healthy, happy and safe.

I started reading a book by Geneen Roth called, Women, Food, and God a couple of days ago. I got the book from the library after reading about it on a blog called, Can You Stay For Dinner?. I like the blog - she lost 135 pounds and has kept it off. AND she eats real and good food! Anyway, back to the book. Right away, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to identify with Ms. Roth, especially about her idea of God. She wrote, "I don't believe in the God with long white hair and X-ray vision that favors some people, some countries, some religions and not others. I don't believe in the sky dweller, the knower of all things, the granter of prayers. But I do believe in the world beyond appearances and that there is so much we can't see or touch or know just by looking. "  There are a lot of great, usable points she makes in her book. We both do agree that we must seek a connection with divinity. But I see God very differently.  I believe God to be my loving Heavenly Father. Someone who cares about me and whether or not I'm healthy, happy and safe as much as my earthly parents do. Someone who knows me well and is probably a little amused and annoyed that I haven't asked for help. See, just like my boys, I "want to do it myself." and being prideful isn't anything new for me. 

So I've been thinking a lot about my connection with Divinity. I pray. I pray by myself and with my boys. I'm usually praying to have patience with my boys. But my prayers usually focus on others, especially my family. It's not because of my giving nature -  but we can pretend that it is. Sometimes it just feels selfish to ask for so much help instead of being grateful for all the wonderful things in my life.

In Matthew 7:7-11 it reads, 
7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

I have gotten advice from friends and family. I have read books and articles. I have sought advice from my doctor and people knowledgeable about exercise and healthy bodies. My Heavenly Father wants to help me to be healthy and show respect for this body He made possible. I just need to ask. I'm supposed to ask. He wants me to ask.