Smile on My Face

Hallelujah!

I have rocked myself a bit out of this rut in which I've been stuck! I'm afraid to celebrate too much because it's so easy to fall back in those cursed grooves. I love seeing the scale lower than has been in a long time.

I can partly attribute my 3 pound weight loss this week to a tight budget. There was no eating out, no extra treats. I'm going to have to keep it this tight from now on. ;)  I focused on my water intake and I added in some exercise. 

I had planned on going to a low-impact aerobics class at the Y, but I chickened out. I found that my cable provider has exercise "classes" on demand for no extra cost. I've been doing a walking workout in my living room. I tried a Sweat Sexy workout, but somehow, my moves did not look like the women on the screen, and they were definitely not sexy. It was, however, sweaty. So, I'm halfway there.

Our Primary children did a presentation in front of the congregation at church today. The kids all did such a wonderful job. Each child spoke about something they've learned this year and sang songs. I was so proud. I was especially proud of Boy 1, who has never before been able to say his part in front of the crowd. While he hid behind the podium, he said his lines clearly. It was kind of funny to see people in the congregation look around to see who was speaking. I was so happy and proud! I had tears rolling down my face and I almost forgot I was supposed to lead the next song. This was a big step for my anxious boy. Boy 2 did a great job, as well. They earned a trip to a local pizza place that also has video games and such. Proud Mama day.

I'm keeping it short and sweet. I'm a tired puppy.

Make it a great week!

COMPARE OR NOT COMPARE? That Is The Question

I've been feeling good about the number of books I've read this year. I have a goal of 40 books and I've read 29. I'm ahead of schedule and it looks like I'll be able to meet my goal. Some of the novels on this year's list are now favorites. I love reading!

One day last week, I looked on Goodreads.com and saw that a friend of mine had met her goal of reading 80 books in 2013. By September, she had read 80 books. 

80 BOOKS!

All of a sudden, my 29 books was a pittance. I mean, my friend has 3 young boys, her own business, has lost a significant amount of weight (she looks FANTASTIC!) and volunteers at school and church and does things with her family and friends. AND SHE READ 80 BOOKS!

My feeling of accomplishment disappeared, and it was replaced with discouragement. I started to question how she was able to meet her goal. That is exactly 1.54 books each week. How is that even possible when you have an already busy life? 

When I realized that I was tearing her down to make myself feel better, I was ashamed. I was already envious of her in her weight-loss efforts. But, she worked hard for it. She has logged into My Fitness Pal every day - for over 200 days in a row. She exercises several times per week. She works hard. And she is an amazing, strong, driven woman. She accomplishes a lot. No wonder she met her goal of reading 80 books. She is a person that accomplishes goals. She makes things happen.

Why do we compare ourselves to others? Why get out that measuring stick at all? I was happy with the number of books I had read. I was proud of it.

You know, sometimes comparing ourselves to others is not such a bad thing. We can see something in a friend's experience - something that worked for them, or made things easier and use that information in our own lives. We can see that someone accomplished something and be inspired to do better.

But often in our measuring, we come up short. And it stops us cold.

My boys are comparing all the time. One has more milk than the other. How many crackers did you get? How many kisses? How much time with Daddy? How many songs before bedtime? Over and over I tell them, "That doesn't matter. Right now, we're talking about you, not him. You don't need to worry about that." 

Why can't I take my own advice? I don't need to worry about that.

It's destructive, this comparison thing; this measuring our weakness against another's strength. This life is not a competition with those around us. There is always going to be someone prettier, smarter, skinnier, richer, stronger, happier, luckier, better read than we. It doesn't make us any less amazing. It doesn't diminish what we do.

So, help a girl out. Share with me how you keep your head up. Tell me how you stay positive. Divulge your secret to avoiding the measuring stick. Give a friend a hand.

Excuse Me, I Didn't Get The Manual

Wouldn't it be nice if kids came with an instruction book? 

"Here's your bundle of joy, Mama. Oh, don't forget his manual! You'd sure be up a creek if you forgot that!" 

Now, I know all the basics. I don't worry about any of those. I can:

• Feed them good food - lots of fruits and veggies and a few cookies now and then.
• Keep their bits clean - and don't forget behind the ears. 
• Teach them to be polite, over and over and over and over and over....and hope it sticks. Someday.
• Make them go outside and run around and use their imaginations. Keep an eye on them, though, so they don't whack your poor plants to pieces with their "swords" or use your tomatoes as bullets or as an art project worthy of Jackson Pollock on the fence.
• Give them lots of hugs and kisses until they literally can not stand any more.
• Be their mom, not their friend.
• Et cetera, Et cetera...

What I'm having trouble with, is the "when?" questions -and a bit of the "how much?", as well. As in, when do I  let them ride their bikes in the neighborhood with no supervision? And when do we talk about the birds and bees? And how much information is too much? And how much and when do they need to know about the circumstances of their births?

As their mother, I'm supposed to know when they are ready for things. I am aware that comparing myself to other moms and my boys to other children is not a good idea. However, the boys start comparing immediately. And over and over, I keep finding out how much I really don't know.

Our neighbor has a son one year younger than Boy 1. He rides his bike to school, to his friends' houses - all over - with, seemingly, no limits. Boys 1 & 2 would like to do the same. The back yard is no longer enough. I grew up wandering my neighborhood. I want my boys to know that I believe they can handle themselves in all situations. But...But...But...

Boy 1 is extremely impulsive. He could be riding along, see a cat running across the road, drop his bike in the middle of the street and chase the cat into the yard of someone we don't know. He recently called some teenage boys that were walking down the street (who were minding their own business) a name while he was out riding his bike under my supervision. He's lucky they either didn't hear him, or were good at ignoring annoying kids (they also ignored his apology). He might not be so lucky next time and get hit or learn some really unacceptable words. 

Do I protect them from these possibilities, or do I let them learn the hard way?

Part of me wants to let the natural consequences do their work. But, Boy 1 has special needs that must be taken into consideration. 

And Boy 2? He's six. How much freedom/independence does a 6-year-old get? Not much around here.

Those manuals would sure come in handy, you know? 

I have said it over and over again, this parenting thing is not for sissies.

I love the idea of Free Range Parenting in theory. My anxiety and, I admit it, pride holds me back. I, of course, worry for their safety. But I am also concerned with what they may do or say to people and if it will cause me embarrassment. 

Taking on the job of parent opens us up to all kinds of fun opportunities and embarrassment is one of those. I guess I should just get used to it.

Here we go back to the ABC's of Me. Almost done!

I'M STUCK: again. The exercise starts up once more. If I don't want to cut calories, the exercise has to make a come back. I know it. The first steps off the couch are the hardest. The boys being in school means I have no excuses left. I know I'm tired of writing about being stuck. And, I'm sure you are weary of reading it.

I'M THRILLED: with how the first week of school went. The boys love their teachers (and so do we) and there have been no complaints. I am LOVING my days - so much so, that, I'm feeling the slightest bit of guilt. This is going to be a great school year.

I USE: an 8-ounce cup to drink my water now. I find it easier to finish when I can down it quickly. I was using these huge cups and just seemed to take forever to empty them. Every time I come into the kitchen, I drink 1-2 glasses full and I get my daily recommended with no problem!

MY VITAMIN: D is severely deficient according to my blood work taken at my recent yearly physical. I've been prescribed 50,000 UI of Vitamin D that I take weekly. Once I'm done with this after several weeks, I'm supposed to take a daily supplement with my multi-vitamin. My doctor said that it's especially common here in the northwest for deficiencies. She said I would feel better, but I haven't noticed any change yet. 

I WANT: to finish building our raised vegetable beds. I've still only got one - and that is full of tomatoes that are finally ripening. I have room for 2 more in our space. Lobster started the 2nd bed around Mother's Day, but got frustrated with my design and quit. I have since dug out the other sides to make it level, but the boys have "helped" in the digging. That's what we get for leaving the project unfinished, I guess. It is, seriously, the story of our lives. So many unfinished projects.

I AM XCEPTIONALLY: pleased with my window boxes. They could use some more red Geraniums, but I love the way they look.

Next year, I will use white Sweet Allyssum instead of the Lobelia. Although when the weather is too cold for most of the annuals in the box, I'm going to replant the Lobelia into my flower beds.

I am Xceptionally happy with the Sweet Potato Vine. It looks so lush and although I had originally wanted the chartreuse variety, this purple looks great! Maybe next Spring, I'll do some of both - that would be a nice contrast with the red Geraniums.

I YELL: much less lately. Having our home be a "No Yell" zone is something I have been working toward and I admit it's a struggle. It really becomes a habit - and a hard one to break. Once I've got it, hopefully, the boys will follow suit. My "tone" is next on the list.

I ZONE: out if I sit down for too long in the late afternoons. There are some days I can't stay still too long, or I literally cannot keep my eyes open. I really didn't think I would turn into an old lady quite so soon.  Luckily, now, the boys are getting home from school at that time, so I keep pretty busy.

Whew! I'm so glad those ABC's are done. It took me much longer than I had planned and some of the letters were downright tricky.

Have a great week, all!

Back At It

It is officially the week before school. School here in our district starts Wednesday, September 4th. Boy 2 will be in the first grade - there all day. It will be good for him. He was ready for all day last year, but our school doesn't offer all day Kindergarten. I'm starting to get a bit giddy when I think about all I can get done in 6 hours by myself. Although, then again, I'll have no excuses left. 

S'all right, still giddy.

I MADE: a dinner, last week, that even I couldn't eat. I don't think that has ever happened. I feel like I do a good job in the kitchen. I enjoy cooking and I usually have a good tongue (?) for flavors. But, something was not right with this casserole and it all ended up in the yard debris can. Thank goodness it was just us. We scrounged around to get food for everybody - a can of chili, a lonely corn dog, a quesadilla, some peanut butter and jam. I needed to go to the grocery store and there wasn't much from which to choose. 

Big time Mama fail.

I NEED: a lot of alone time. I've written about this before. I usually get it after the boys go to sleep. That would all be fine, except that I usually end up staying awake way too late. That makes it hard to get up in the mornings and I start off my days grumpy. I'm not much of a morning person anyway. Before we had kids, Lobster would get up in the morning and be all chipper and talkative and actually expect me to answer him - before work.  I remember just looking at him and thinking, "Are you kidding me?"  That is definitely one thing we didn't discuss before marriage. It should really be on the list of important pre-wedding topics.

Anyway, in the hopes of good mornings to come, I have decided to give myself a firmish bedtime. If I expect to get up at 6:30 every school morning, I need to be in bed by 11pm. That will give me around 7 hours of sleep and, hopefully, that will be enough. I've been getting not enough sleep for so long, that I'm not really sure how much I need. I know I'll need to, eventually, get an alarm clock, but for now, Lobster will use his phone to wake us up. I'm hoping it will improve the start to our day. We can sure use it. There are some mornings when a boy is room-bound by 7:30.

I'M OVER: summer. It has been a warm, dry summer. While it's great for summer veggies (woohoo tomatoes & cukes!), it's not so good for Amy. It rained this morning and I just sat at the table and happily listened to the drops on the roof and I actually could feel my lawn and flower beds relax. It's like they said, "Oh yeah, that's what it's like."  Our sprinkler system has been shutting down zone by zone over the past several years and it's finally dead. I've been schlepping a sprinkler around just trying to keep things from shriveling away.

So, while there are many things to love about summer, it's just not my season. I really get to missing the rain. I think I was supposed to have been born here instead of the dry desert of Utah. I like the moss between my toes.

I'VE PLAYED: way too much Plants vs. Zombies, lately. I put the game on my Kindle for the boys and I thought I'd better play it to make sure it was appropriate (you never know with zombies-wink wink). I was hooked. I've gone through all the levels in less than a week. Boy 2 loves it as well, and likes to get me to "help" him. I have a hard time letting the boys make the choices about what plants to put where. I've decided I can't play with them anymore. It makes me too uptight and I'm not nice about it. I'm a weirdo - it's just a game, right?

I QUIT: drinking cow's milk. I've been trying different options and I've settled on the unsweetened almond milk. I really like the sweetened vanilla flavor, but it has so much sugar (more than cow's milk, which has a lot). There are a lot of reasons I switched. Most of all, it's just gotten so that it grosses me out to think about all the stuff in milk. I won't mention them here. I haven't been able to talk my family into switching yet, but I'm working on it. Yes, I know that there are many things made with cow's milk - things that I still really like to eat. I'm still figuring it all out. 

I'VE READ: 28 books this year. I have a goal of 40 books, so according to Goodreads.com, I'm 3 ahead of schedule. My goal last year was 50 books and I came up short. We'll see how my new bedtime affects my progress. If you haven't joined Goodreads yet, do it! Send me a friend request. I love to see what others are reading! I'm always looking for something good to read.


SUNDAY STATS:
WEIGHT GAIN/LOSS: 0 lbs
TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS: -26.6 lbs
FOOD: Not enough veggies - needed to go grocery shopping
FOOD TRACKING: 3 of 7 days
EXERCISE: 2 days of light yard work
HYDRATION: Mostly good. I read somewhere that I need to drink water like it's my job. That has helped me.

I Really Need To Stop Watching Animated Movies

Saturday, we had a beach day. It ended up being a very short beach day, but beach day, it was.

It was Lobster's birthday(ish) and he wanted to get some family pictures. The last time we took one, it was March AND that was the last time we were at the coast. I was really looking forward to being on the beach, watching the boys dig and throw rocks and race the waves and close my eyes just for a minute and listen to the water crashing on the sand. Usually, I pack a lunch and try to stay on the beach as long as the boys (Lobster included) will let me. This trip, however, we decided to live it up and try some local fare.

Not finding much to choose from where we were, we headed south to a larger city. As we came to the split on the highway where you have to choose to go north or south on 101, traffic was at a stand-still and backed up onto the highway. Rather than getting in the line of cars, Lobster quickly made a U-turn and got on the highway heading east - toward home. 

Now, I totally agreed with his decision to turn the car around, but going home an hour and a half after getting to the coast was not what I had in mind. 

And I was not happy. 

And I made sure Lobster knew it. 
It's when I get quiet when it's the most dangerous. 
And I. Was. Quiet.

We were all hungry. I was angry about going home. Lobster was upset about me being angry. And the boys, for once, knew when to keep their mouths closed.

Lobster found a little Mexican place in a small town on the way. We walked in and were the only customers there. The food was simple, but good and they had a delicious jalapeno crema in a little squeeze bottle. It was so good on my tacos. Don't worry, I've already found a recipe to try at home. I can't wait. If you know me, you know I won't be making the fish tacos. I'm sure they are very good, though. If you like fish. I don't.

We talked it all through at the table and figured out a way to salvage the afternoon. We took the boys to see Planes at our favorite movie theater. It was really cute. It had a great message about making your dreams come true and doing your best and getting up when you fall. The quote from the Dusty (the crop duster that wants to be a racer) is,

"I'm just trying to prove maybe, just maybe, I can do more than I was built for."

 I have a feeling I put way too much thought into animated movies. The Croods really affected me, too. It was deep. I totally identified with that caveman. I was thinking about it for weeks. And Planes has been on my mind, as well. But the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if it was such a good message to give to kids, "Don't be happy with what you are, you can be better! You can be whatever you want! Don't be content with the mundane. Your life should be exciting all the time!"

Am I being a downer when I think that someone's got to be the crop duster? We can't all be racers. While I agree that we should each do our very best and go for the things we want, we need to be realistic. It's a wonderful thing to be a really good crop duster. And we can be happy knowing that we do a good job. Learning to be content with what we have/are/do is, in my opinion, the best way to have inner peace - and a great secret to happiness. It's a terrible thing to always be wanting more.

I really need to stop watching animated movies.

So, I'm finding this ABC's of me thing much harder than I thought. And I'm using a dictionary. And I'm only on "J". Ugh. I'm sticking to it, though. I've got to stick to something, right? I'm redoing "I", because it was lame last week.

I'M IGNORANT: about most things technical. I'm slowly learning how to work a little more independently on the computer, but I've got a long way to go. I am SO not computer girl.

I JOKE: a lot. It's a defense. I use sarcasm. I'm trying to not be so sarcastic here in my family. Boy 1, especially, has a hard time understanding what I'm saying. He's a little more of a literal kid. When we took a Love and Logic class, we were advised to avoid sarcasm. It was said that the delivery of what we say is just as important as the words.

I KEEP: too much stuff.. I don't have good storage solutions and the paper is driving me crazy. I feel helpless about most days. I need to better use my binder and get better storage. It's embarrassing. Lobster gets fed up with the paper and dumps it all in a box and puts it in the garage. I've gone through many boxes and I've got so many to still get done. It's sure easier to know what to do with papers when they're a few years old. I'm telling you, my organizational skills are severely lacking.

I'M LOOKING: forward to school starting. I'm ready for routines. This will be our first year of both boys in school all day. Part of me is excited and part of me wonders what I will do. I'm thinking of looking for some part-time work. Anyone hiring? 

Sunday stats are lacking this week. I forgot to weigh myself this morning. I've been neglectful in logging in to My Fitness Pal. I've been drinking water, but having trouble snacking in the evenings. 

More Fun with ABC's

I took an unexpected break last week. I lead the music for the Primary, which is the children's Sunday school portion of our church time. It's something that I am loving, but it is exhausting. There is a lot of preparation. I lead the singing in 3 groups. There is the nursery, a group of 18 month to 3 year olds, the junior Primary - which is ages 3 to 7, and the senior Primary - ages 8 to 11. So, although we basically sing the same songs, my methods and plans are very different.

When you work with kids, you have to have energy. Your attitude about them and about music is key, in my opinion. Good, positive energy is essential. But, keeping it "up" for almost 2 hours is very draining. Then I get to come home and everyone is hungry, and dinner's not going to get itself, is it?

Anyway, right after dinner, I could not keep my eyes open. Literally COULD NOT KEEP MY EYES OPEN! Boy 2 kept trying to play a game with me and he finally gave up because he kept having to shake me awake.

Lobster took the boys for a drive and when they left I was in a trance, sitting on the couch. An hour later, they came home and I was in exactly the same position. I haven't been that tired, well, I can't ever remember being that exhausted.

So, I kept meaning to get to writing. But, what a week it has been. I won't even go into all the stuff the boys have broken. They have been in rare form, and not in a good way. Boy 2 is especially, um.....challenging, lately. What is that saying (or is it a song, or a nursery rhyme?),

"When she was good, she was very, very good. But when she was bad, she was horrid."

It is Boy 2 to a "T". There is not much middle ground with him. He can be so loving and helpful and he is a hard worker - give him a job to do and he WORKS. He's such a good snuggle-bug and he's really smart. But, boy, if he's not occupied, or if he's too wound up or ticked off, watch out.

This week, it came down to when I was not "on" as a parent, I just wanted to be "off" completely. I've been emotionally drained, physically tired and perpetually pissed off.

Don't you want to come hang out? Really. I'm a barrel of laughs.

Is anyone else ready for school to start? It's less than a month, now.

Let's get on with our ABC's!

I FEAR: much more than I thought I would as an adult. When I was in Elementary school, a teacher gave us a fill-in-the-blank type form. One of the lines read, "I am afraid of_______." My answer was "nothing." Now that I have children, most of my current fears have to do with them and the world in which we live. After talking with my mom and finding that I, indeed had many fears as a child, I know that my answer was mostly bravado, but oh, to feel that way would be fantastic, wouldn't it? 


I'M GRATEFUL: for the life I have. There are a many things that would be great to do or to have, but I really have a good life. I have a husband that loves me, and works really hard to make sure that I can be here, at home, with the boys. And as much as I reminisce about how quiet our house used to be, and how things used to stay nice and unbroken, and how I used to only have to do laundry once a week, and about all the weekends when I could sleep in, and .....oh wait. What was I trying to say?  

But seriously, those two little boys, sleeping in their beds, and their daddy have my heart. It's theirs completely, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I HATE: ants. They make me feel creepy crawly and we must live right on top of multiple ant hills, because we just can't get rid of them. We've used traps, and sprays and natural remedies and they just keep coming back. And the funny thing is that they're not even in the kitchen. They are in our bedrooms and bathroom. It totally creeps me out. 

In general, I like bugs. I think they are cool. Give me a Dragonfly, a Praying Mantis, a worm, or a spider, even (and no, that's not an invitation for them to come into my house, just for the record). But ants  - ugh. Oh, yeah, mosquitoes too. Hate 'em.

I INTENDED: to use a lot more letters, but I got stuck on I. But it is time to go to bed. Morning comes much too early around here. There comes a point when it is really just too late to make any sense. 

Have a great week. Peace.

The ABC's of Me

I am a little late in posting again. I snuggled with my boys for a bit last night while they read in my bed and the next thing I knew, it was 3:00am. I've been tired and grumpy and I think I have at least caught up on some sleep. Now, I'll have to work on the grumpy.

I'm starting a bit of self-evaluation with The ABC's of Me. It will take me a few weeks to get through the alphabet, but I'm choosing a word starting with each letter and seeing how it applies to me. If you have any suggestions for words I should use, leave them in the comment section.

Here we go.

I ASPIRE: To be like my little sister and rock my work outs. My sister goes to the gym 5 days a week. More recently, she has started Spartan Training and pushes herself very hard. I aspire to be like her.

I haven't gone to the gym for months. I have sporadically done my Kinect Zumba workout. I really like working out in the privacy of my home. But I can see the benefit of going somewhere, and being expected.  This summer - specifically this month, I have not been as dedicated to working out. I have many excuses (my biggest one being that it's hot and we have no air conditioning), but they are just that, excuses.

I BELIEVE: In the power we each have to transform ourselves. I believe in MY own power to transform my inner and outer selves. My intentions are mostly good. I often seem to fail in the follow through. And not just in my weight loss efforts. It bleeds over into all parts of my life. That's one of the parts of me I'm trying to transform.

I CONFESS: I haven't even looked at my Summer Mind and Body Challenge that I started in June. It's now the end of July, and I don't think I've tracked points at all this month. It's a little embarrassing since I made such a big deal of it. I really should have gotten an accountability buddy.

I DECLARE: This has been a hot summer. A lot of people say that we don't need air conditioning here in the Pacific Northwest (Lobster being one of those for a long time), but that's just a bunch of hooey. I admit that some summers, there are just a few weeks that you need it, but during that time, YOU NEED IT. We're replacing our old dinosaur of a furnace before the fall and I think I've finally talked Lobster into central air. 

I'M EXCITED: About tomatoes from my garden. Each of my tomato plants has green tomatoes. My grape tomatoes are just starting to turn color. I can't wait!

I'll continue this in my next post. I need to get out my dictionary. ;)

SUNDAY STATS:
WEIGHT GAIN/LOSS: -2 lbs
TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS: -27.4 lbs
FOOD: I finally went grocery shopping. Salads are GREAT!
FOOD TRACKING: 3 full and 2 partial days of 7.
EXERCISE: No formal workout. Some light yard work.
HYDRATION: Good. Not great, but good.