Sunday, March 25, 2012

Now, Back To The Regularly Scheduled Program

First of all, my biopsy was negative! I can breathe a sigh of relief for the next three months! Secondly, I had a difficult time putting my thoughts together last week and all of a sudden, it was Sunday again. So, for you three that regularly read this - sorry! Hopefully, I am back on track.

I've been going through old photos this past week. I've been trying to put together a weight time-line. I wanted to know when I started gaining weight and maybe then I could better track why. I was planning on posting a few photos, because some are HILARIOUS! (third grade - think sponge rollers taken out of my shortish hair but obviously not brushed out) But, apparently, my scanner and my computer are not speaking to each other right now, so I have to look into their back-story before I can continue with mine.

Like a lot of us, I have been using Pinterest. There are so many great and inspiring things in the internet! There are also a great many things that really hit home and bring reality right in front of you. I found (on Pinterest) body scans of a 120 pound woman and a 250 pound woman right next to each other. I searched on the internet to find the original source, but I'm not experienced enough to get through all the hundreds of sites that have used the comparison - so I'm sorry to not give the proper credit for the information.

I found this fascinating! I think we focus so much on what we (and others) see on the outside that we forget about what's beneath our skin. I am definitely no doctor, but the bone and muscle mass seem smaller on the larger woman. The joints are stressed - look at the ankles and feet! No wonder my feet hurt all the time. The legs rub against each other and it looks like the hips and knees are out of normal position. The organs are totally squooshed (a very technical medical term) by the abdominal fat and the heart appears enlarged. 

I can say that right now, I wish I was that 250 pound woman. I'm not ready to announce my magic number, but I will admit that it is more than 250. If this is how it is at 250 pounds, I can only imagine how my body scan would appear. Please don't imagine it for me. There are enough scary things to think about.

Oh! And I tried something new for breakfast this morning. It was called Overnight Oats. I wasn't sure how I felt about raw oats for breakfast, but it was surprisingly good. I saw it on a blog called, Kath Eats Real Food. The basic recipe is equal parts (she uses either 1/3 or 1/2 cup of each) rolled oats- not quick oats, milk, and yogurt. Then you can add fruit, other grains etc. and let it sit in the fridge overnight. It was filling and delicious - thank you, Honey Greek Yogurt! I added banana and strawberries. Yum! I'll be making this often, although I should check out the nutritional information before I recommend it. I found out my favorite breakfast (2 slices of Dave's Killer Seed Bread with Nutella and a sliced banana on top with a glass of milk) was 700 calories. Oops! That may explain the slow weight loss a little bit.  Knowledge is power, people!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Everyone Has One...

I've always been a sucker for "the back-story". That and sappy love songs, especially by Barry Manilow. But putting Barry aside for now, I love a good back-story in books, in movies, and in the TV shows I watch. They give a glimpse of how a person got where they are - one choice, or a series of choices that put them on their current path. The whole point of this blog is to keep an account of my path as I change its direction. I'm glad I'm keeping this record, as hard as it sometimes is to witness my own weakness. I've never been a great journal keeper. In fact, my grandmother gave me a journal when I turned 8 and I was still using it in high school (and even then I was only about half way through it). But I've been thinking a lot about my own back-story. This will not be the post that reveals all my secrets and solves my dilemma with food. It is something that I'm taking a thorough look at. I think that sometimes when we look back on our own lives, it can be a bit cock-eyed. It's too easy to gloss over the bad stuff and make other stuff better than it really was - or just the opposite - focus on the bad and completely forget the wonderful things that happened. 

I've been watching a series on TLC called, "My 600 Pound Life." It started as a way to scare myself - kind of like watching "Hoarders" or "Buried Alive" when my pack rattishness starts to really take hold. Thank heaven I'm not 600 pounds, but I could be. I never thought I'd be this big, so is 600 pounds really that far off? Anyway, in "My 600 Pound Life" it shows a 7 year period after each patient's gastric bypass surgery. It shows all the struggles and triumphs and yes, some of the back-story on each of the patients. With each subject, food is very emotional. Just because their stomachs are more than half their previous size, it doesn't change all they've been through before and the habits they've created. It doesn't change the fact that they turn to food for comfort or for celebration. I do that. It's silly when you really think of it. What comfort can a bag of potato chips give? 

Today I had a doctor appointment. My doctor was glad that I'm on the track I am, but apparently losing 5 pounds is not enough. She took a biopsy (let me tell you, OW!!) of my uterine tissue, to make sure those pre-cancerous cells have not come back. Driving home, I was a bit crampy and a bit down after hearing that she "knows it's hard," but basically I just need to try harder and all I could think about was a cheeseburger and french fries. Not even a good cheeseburger - I wanted a greasy McDouble and a large fry from McDonalds. Luckily, I saw it for what it was and went home to eat my salad. It may seem small, but it was a triumph - just one out of hundreds of fails, but it was a triumph for today. Ironically, I got home to find out that Lobster had picked boy #2 up from pre-school and took him to McDonalds. I kept my tantrum to myself.

So, I'm taking a closer look at my back-story. I'm hoping it will give me better insight to the choices I made so that I can get to the point that I won't make them again. And just so you know, my assignments from last week have been almost completed. I went to the YMCA and will be getting a membership this week. I have figured out a work-out schedule that should leave no room for excuses for the rest of the school year and the summer too. And although my attitude has not been completely adjusted, I'm feeling much better.

Sunday, March 4, 2012


Well, here is another month. March of 2012 is here. According to my plan, I should have lost almost 20 pounds. I have lost 3.5 or 4, depending on the day. Now, I have been surprised that cutting out my night eating did not produce quick results. I've been telling myself (and anyone who will listen) that that's why I've gained so much weight. Somehow, cutting out night eating has been much easier than I anticipated, and I'm really bummed that it, alone, is not doing the trick. But, not losing weight easily has made me think about it a lot more. I've had to think about what I really want and what I really need. Unfortunately, the two conflict a bit. I NEED to have my body healthy and strong. I NEED to help my body stay cancer and diabetes free. I NEED to be able to work through daily stress and emotions without turning to food. 


I WANT to be able to eat whatever I want. 

Anyone else see a problem? Yep, I'm screwed. Sorry, gentle reader, for my coarse language. But I'm ticked off. I'm in a bit of a funk. If you were looking for an uplifting read today, this was not the right place to look.

This week, my (self-imposed) assignments are:

  1. Go to the YMCA to really look at the facility and get a family membership. 
  2. Figure out a work-out schedule for the remainder of the school year and stick to it. 
  3. Give myself an attitude adjustment. (or maybe this needs to be #1)