Monday, August 27, 2012


Sometimes it's hard to stay motivated. Sometimes what I want right now seems more important than what I want most. Sometimes, changing years of behavior and habits seems impossible. I feel like this is a never-ending story - me complaining about how I'm struggling and the scale be-bopping all around the same 5 pounds - over and over and over. I'm tired of it and anyone reading this dribble has to be, too.

So, I've been thinking a lot about motivation. Where it comes from and how to keep it. I thought my motivation was good. I had a doctor telling me that if I didn't lose weight, all the PRE-cancerous tissue I had in my uterus was going to eventually be actual cancer. If I didn't lose weight, I would get diabetes. If I didn't lose weight, my life would most likely be cut short. Now that's some good motivation, don't you think? I thought so too. But somehow, in the day-to-day, normal life-livin', run-o-d'mill stuff, it gets lost. Or maybe it's just that I do. 

At the recommendation of a friend, I've started reading a blog called Runs for Cookies. Katie lost 125 pounds in 16 months and has maintained her loss for two years so far. She wrote a post about motivation and how it differs from determination. You can read that post by clicking here. What I got from it was that motivation is all too fleeting - temporary. Determination is the force that's going to get you there. I've got a bit of determination - a little glimmer. I haven't given up. Each day I try again and most days I do pretty well. I keep reading about others who have lost a lot of weight. I keep thinking they will inspire me. They usually do. But sometimes, it gets me down that they can do it, but I can't. Maybe, I need to take a break from reading other people's stories and just concentrate on mine.

I'm waiting for an appointment with a nutritionist at our local hospital's Diabetes and Nutrition Education. My doctor sent a referral last week. I got a message that they received the referral and that I should be getting a call in a week or so for an appointment. I'm frustrated with how much time it all takes, but excited to get started and, hopefully, get a plan made just for me. I'm also excited about the accountability that will come with it. 

I'd better get to bed. Those boys of ours get up mighty early. It's hard on us night-owls - morning, that is. Over and out.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Watch Those Fingers

As I looked at the scale this morning, sucking in my gut (like it made a difference), I was disappointed. And, really, My Fitness Pal is being kind and rounded up. It was really only 0.8 of a pound. I wanted to lose more.  I should have lost more. It is what it is. But, there are people I could blame. 

I can blame Lobster, who wouldn't put our air conditioner in the window and so when it was 
for almost a week and I didn't want to cook and make my kitchen feel like the attic of hell any more than it already did. I didn't make my meal plan's food for lunches or dinner for the first 3 days. And I didn't keep track of calories.

I can also blame the Schwan's man. I know he has a name, but at my house, he's just the Schwan's Man. He knows what we like around here. We like their ice cream. Usually, I go for their Triple Lemon Crunch Frozen Yogurt. It's very light and refreshing and only 130 calories and 3 grams of fat per 1/2 cup compared to 160 calories and 8 grams of fat per 1/2 cup of their ice cream. Well, they have a new flavor. It is Coconut Almond Fudge. And It. Is. DELICIOUS. It's a coconut flavored ice cream with little bits of chocolate covered almonds and a fudge ripple running through it - it's kind of like an oh-so-creamy Almond Joy candy bar.  You know what else it is? Gone. Luckily, boys 1 and 2 liked it, too, and I had some help. 

But, blame is a funny thing. What's that cheesy saying? While you're pointing your finger at someone else, remember the 4 fingers pointing back at you, or something to that effect. It's nice to be able to blame anyone else. But, don't worry. I know just how it is. 

I am grateful that my weight went down. I didn't completely screw it up. I had some momentum going. But, it's kind of my pattern to have success and then feel like I have extra breathing room or something - like 3 pounds lost has made me a super model and I didn't need to be as careful. I've got to figure that out. Sabotaging myself is not what I want.

I watched the season finale of "Extreme Makeover - Weight Loss" tonight. It was very inspiring. The man, Jarvez, began his year at 548 pounds and ended it at 267 pounds. He worked so hard. If that 548 pound man could work out the way he did, I can get up off my lazy butt and work harder. I have a doctor appointment next month and I want to show her that I can do it. 

Well, I'm off to bed. I read that not getting enough sleep makes your body feel hungrier than it really is. I need all the help I can get.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

No Rain Dance Today

When we check in at our local YMCA (by scanning our ID), we are invited inside by a sultry female voice saying, "Welcome." I was very relieved to hear that voice on Thursday. I was a little worried I'd hear a mean, hard male voice say, "We have a message for you, please see the front desk." So, apparently,  it was Crazy Hat week at the Y. Earlier in the week, one of the aquatics directors came into the pool area with one of those mini-umbrellas that sit on you head like a hat. Similar to this, except kind of a clearish pink vinyl.

I totally laughed out loud and then quickly apologized (although he's helped me by holding the ladder a few times, I really don't know him well) and told him I liked his hat. He said that he was hoping for rain. So I asked him if he was going to do a dance later -I know, I know, it sounds bad - but I really did mean a rain dance. Well, he looked at me a bit funny and then, pointing to my lifeguard friend (Yay! he's back!) said, "No, he does the dances." And then walked out of the pool area.

Our group was in the middle of our deep water exercise. I was doing laps of "cross-country skier" and replaying our conversation in my head. Although I hadn't meant it that way, it would  be easy to take the dance comment wrong. Now, I have not really put myself out there at the Y. I make polite conversation and get the job done. The last thing I want is a lot of attention while I'm in my swim suit - you know what I mean? Anyone that knows me well, knows that I like to joke. I'm pretty sarcastic and my humor can sometimes land on the side of off-color. In fact, one thing that is KILLING me lately is that my boys are using a word that normally makes me giggle. Boys 1 and 2 think that "nipple" is a funny word. And it is. I'm not sure why, but hearing someone say nipple makes me LOL. But, when they say it, I CAN NOT laugh. If I show any emotion about it at all, they will be using it every other word in their sentences. And, now, especially with school starting, I can't have that, can I? I have enough to worry about. Like being banned from the YMCA for sexual harassment.

Now, I knew that I wouldn't really be banned, but there was that little sigh of relief as I heard that sultry welcome on Thursday. And I kept all my comments to myself.

So, I've been following this meal plan for a just about a week now. Following the food part has not been hard. It is a lot of food and it is good - and I feel good eating it. The only thing is, that it is the same thing every day. If it were just me, there would be no problem. But I have a family. And it seems that my family does not want to eat the same thing every night for dinner. Part of me wants to yell at them to "Suck it up! Mom's trying to change things, here!" But, the other part of me understands. I started this whole thing not wanting to cook differently for my family. I don't want to cook two meals. But I can't argue with the fact that the meal plan works. I lost 3 pounds this week. I was never hungry. And I have to admit that knowing what was for breakfast, lunch, and dinner was comforting. And on those hot days it was nice to just warm up my already prepared food. I just have to figure out how to make it work for my family too. Bah! Details, details. But, what's that saying? The devil is in the details.

The part that WAS hard was the giving up Diet Coke. I didn't have headaches, I didn't get the jitters. But I missed it. The feeling of the bubbles going down my throat. The taste of the cola (and yes, even the aftertaste) with certain foods - especially garlic. I went to McDonald's for a $1 drink twice this week.  But that's an improvement from at least that 32 ouncer each day. I even was able to withstand the temptation of the 2-liter bottle in my fridge when Lobster brought it home late in the week - well not including a couple of swigs. So, I'm playing with some flavored waters this week. My first try is going to be lime, cucumber and mint. I'll let you know how it goes.

Have a great week. It's going to be a little hot here. I'm hoping to keep my cool.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Grumpy Gus

I am a wuss. I am sweaty. I am grumpy. I am a sweaty, grumpy wuss. I have been a grumpy gus to my boys (even the biggest boy) today. In fact, I've been pretty grumpy to everyone in my path. If my boys had acted like I have today, I would have had to squeeze the grumpy juice right out of them. That consists of squeezing their bodies, from the head to feet, ending with a big hug - hopefully, getting them laughing in the mean time. But let me tell you, if anyone had tried that with me today, there would not have been much left of them to tell the story - as long as they were sitting right next to me in front of the fan. And as long as they didn't move much.

It's hot. Where I live, in Oregon, it doesn't usually get or stay hot for long. And it's supposed to be back in the mid to high "Amy zone" by the end of the week. But, I don't do hot very well. My head gets fuzzy. I get snippy. My face gets red and (don't forget) sweaty and sticky and that's a bad combination for my new hair cut - my new bangs sticking to my forehead is (insert sarcastic voice here) oh, so attractive. I'm really looking forward to laying on my bed right under the ceiling fan. I'm hoping Lobster will get out our window air conditioner. If anything, just the effort of locating (because the garage is SO organized!) it and getting it to the window of our bedroom will make those temperatures go right back down. That's just the way things work around here. 

On the bright side, my weight is headed back in the right direction.  I did have a rough time the week before last at the gym and, already feeling huge and out-of-control,  I struggled with the bounce-back. I have already told you so many embarrassing things, I'm not going to go into this one. I will just say that the weight room was busier than usual and I had an audience. It took me a few days - well about a week, but I went back to that weight room. I'm starting to get my groove back and feeling more in control every day. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or the looks they may give me. I just have to keep going back. 

I'm starting a meal plan this week. Lobster is doing it with me. The thing I'm most dreading is giving up my Diet Coke. There's nothing like that first sip of the day - the bubbles sliding down my throat....Uh...Just a minute, I'll be right back. I just realized it's almost midnight and I need to "get rid of" the last of the bottle. Wouldn't want to be tempted tomorrow. OK. That's better. 

I'm still working on getting some professional nutrition help. But while that's coming together, I'm giving this meal plan a try. Wish me luck. I just got two new cooking magazines in the mail. I think they'll go in a drawer for now. See you next week.