Monday, July 29, 2013

The ABC's of Me

I am a little late in posting again. I snuggled with my boys for a bit last night while they read in my bed and the next thing I knew, it was 3:00am. I've been tired and grumpy and I think I have at least caught up on some sleep. Now, I'll have to work on the grumpy.

I'm starting a bit of self-evaluation with The ABC's of Me. It will take me a few weeks to get through the alphabet, but I'm choosing a word starting with each letter and seeing how it applies to me. If you have any suggestions for words I should use, leave them in the comment section.

Here we go.

I ASPIRE: To be like my little sister and rock my work outs. My sister goes to the gym 5 days a week. More recently, she has started Spartan Training and pushes herself very hard. I aspire to be like her.

I haven't gone to the gym for months. I have sporadically done my Kinect Zumba workout. I really like working out in the privacy of my home. But I can see the benefit of going somewhere, and being expected.  This summer - specifically this month, I have not been as dedicated to working out. I have many excuses (my biggest one being that it's hot and we have no air conditioning), but they are just that, excuses.

I BELIEVE: In the power we each have to transform ourselves. I believe in MY own power to transform my inner and outer selves. My intentions are mostly good. I often seem to fail in the follow through. And not just in my weight loss efforts. It bleeds over into all parts of my life. That's one of the parts of me I'm trying to transform.

I CONFESS: I haven't even looked at my Summer Mind and Body Challenge that I started in June. It's now the end of July, and I don't think I've tracked points at all this month. It's a little embarrassing since I made such a big deal of it. I really should have gotten an accountability buddy.

I DECLARE: This has been a hot summer. A lot of people say that we don't need air conditioning here in the Pacific Northwest (Lobster being one of those for a long time), but that's just a bunch of hooey. I admit that some summers, there are just a few weeks that you need it, but during that time, YOU NEED IT. We're replacing our old dinosaur of a furnace before the fall and I think I've finally talked Lobster into central air. 

I'M EXCITED: About tomatoes from my garden. Each of my tomato plants has green tomatoes. My grape tomatoes are just starting to turn color. I can't wait!

I'll continue this in my next post. I need to get out my dictionary. ;)

FOOD: I finally went grocery shopping. Salads are GREAT!
FOOD TRACKING: 3 full and 2 partial days of 7.
EXERCISE: No formal workout. Some light yard work.
HYDRATION: Good. Not great, but good.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Oh, To Be 19 Again...

It was my father's birthday this past week. He would have been 75. My sister put a photo of him at 19 on Facebook. He looked so happy and young. I could really see my sister's resemblance to him - something I had not noticed before.

I was showing the picture, one I have on my wall, here at home, to my sons. I asked Boy 2 if I looked like my dad, and he said, "Well, he's a lot skinnier." I laughed and agreed. I started thinking about how I looked when I was 19, and if I also resemble him. So, I got out all the old pictures and found a few from 1989, you know, the good old days. The days of shoulder pads and big hair. Those were some good times.

So, here's the picture of my dad. Doesn't he look handsome? And here's me at 19.

I don't see too much resemblance...maybe, just a little around the mouth.

Just for fun, here's another:

And to think, I really wasn't happy with the way I looked then. Silly girl.

Sometimes, it's hard to stay positive. I've been struggling with that a bit, lately. I like to think that I'm generally a positive person.  I know I can do this. Why am I letting myself get tripped up? This is all a mental game. I'm the one who's supposed to be in charge around here. The frustration that comes with knowing just how much weight I need to lose is a bit overwhelming. Sometimes, I worry that won't be able to do it. 

And sometimes, because I feel it, I hear it from others - even when that's not what they are saying.

I try really hard to keep that doubt hidden. I keep it bound and gagged in a dark corner. It is always struggling to get free. And, at times, an arm or leg breaks loose. The gag slips just a bit and its whispers pierce and tear and deflate.

I think the key - and it sounds so trite and overly simple - is to truly take it one day at a time. One choice at a time, even. How can something so simple be so difficult? 

Let me know when you figure that out.

Like the old photographs I was looking through, my memories of my dad have become slightly fuzzy around the edges. I do remember a lot of love and laughs. He was a large man for most of his adult life. He didn't talk to me about his size and how that affected his spirit. He seemed very happy and positive. He's been gone almost 10 years, now, and I had lived in a different state for a few years before he died. I'm sure I only saw what he wanted me to see. I understand. I resemble him in that way.

Being positive is a choice. Sometimes, there are many things that get in the way, but the power is ours. And it is a power. Maybe, even, a special power. I can't read people's minds. I can't burn people/things to a crisp with my laser-vision (as much as I would love to, at times. Sometimes the stink-eye is just not enough). My super-speed isn't happening any time soon. I can choose to be happy. And I can choose to disregard the doubt. Only feed the positive thoughts. Maybe, I can make that ugly old doubt shrivel up and disappear. 


It's worth a try.

FOOD: It wasn't pretty, folks. Especially the second half of the week. 
FOOD TRACKING: 5 OF 7 days. My calories went over goal, 5 of 7 days, as well.
HYDRATION: Good, but not good enough. 3 words- Dirty Diet Coke. 

Sunday, July 14, 2013

A Bitza This and a Bitza That

Well, I'm not a reliable food tracker while on vacation. Get me out of my routine, and my REsolve seems to DISsolve.  Monday, we were in the car all day, and while the day started well enough, I soon realized that Lobster "forgot" to pack the cucumbers, cherries, grapes, and mango in the cooler. He remembered the fixins for sandwiches and the Diet Coke. The bag of crackers, candy, chips, and such also made it. I had bought a lot so we wouldn't feel like we would have to buy much on the way and to also have bribery material for good behavior. I thought I had prepared well. Next time, I just need to follow through and make sure it all gets into the cooler.

I gained 2 pounds this week. I'm not too worried. Although I didn't faithfully track my intake, my eating wasn't out of control. I also spent two days in a car trying to not drink too much. I didn't want to be the reason to stop the car, if you know what I mean. I didn't get enough at my mom's, either. I'll just be making sure to drink my water, and then have some more. 

My mint is going crazy outside. I think I'll have to make some flavored water every evening for the next day. My favorite is cucumber, mint with some lime squeezed in right before drinking. I found that when I let the limes sit in the water over night, they made it slightly bitter. I found a recipe for a flavored water made with fresh ginger and mango. I think I'd really like to try that one. And I just happen to have some mango on hand.

My chives are also going gangbusters. Somehow, though, I don't think that will make a good flavored water. ;)

All of my plants survived warm weather while I was gone, thanks to a good friend. She also kept the hamster alive and running - good for the 6-year-old, I guess.  We almost had a free-range hamster. She escaped her little exercise ball whilst her young, attentive owner was not so attentive. Luckily, she only got as far as under the couch. 

The last time the hamster made a break for it, we had our Sophie girl to sniff her down. Sophie loved to sit and watch Squeakers. I knew she was just waiting patiently for a chance to make a Squeakers snack. It cracked me up.

Our Sophie was a good girl. She gave us good companionship for a long time, 12 years. At 13, she couldn't hear or see much and her hips gave her quite a bit of pain.  That made her grumpy with the boys and she had started to snap and be aggressive. We chose to euthanize her. Although we know it was the right decision. I miss my girl.  She was my baby before we so rudely replaced her with the human variety. She was patient and always happy to see me. 

This is my favorite picture of Sophie. She was not happy about those Easter bunny ears, but she tolerated them and even smiled for the camera. The Humane Society called Sophie a terrier mix, but we always called her a Bitza. She was a bitza this and a bitza that. Sophie was the healthiest, smartest, and weirdest dog we have ever previously owned. She fit in our family perfectly. Without her, I'm outnumbered by the boys. Somehow, I don't think the hamster will commiserate as well.

Rest in peace, my girl.

EXERCISE: I guess sitting on my mom's soft, cozy rocker doesn't count.
FOOD: Lots of veggies. Slightly more treats than usual.
FOOD TRACKING: Not great - 1 & 1/2 days of 7
HYDRATION: Not great

Tuesday, July 9, 2013


Travelling with kids is always fun. I'm not really talking about fun fun. I'm talking about the kind of fun spoken of in sarcastic tones and a lot of eye-rolling.

You 13 hours in a car that, while normally seems quite spacious, all of a sudden is much, much too small.

At one point, Boys 1 and 2 were fighting. They were tattling. They were tattling about fighting and then fighting over tattling.  And I had had enough.

I started singing about kindness, and Jesus. I sang about Jesus wanting us to be kind. When they started complaining, I sang louder, and louder, still. I think the cars next to us on the freeway could hear my song,  I was singing so loud. Lobster soon asked me to, "Please for the love of everything holy, just STOP!"  OK, he really just said, "Please stop." But his voice sounded much more like the former.

Just for the record, and in my defense, it was quiet for a few minutes after that.

I've sung to them before. I threaten to sing when they fight. This singing is not like when I sing their songs at bedtime - which they love, by the way. This singing is a weapon. I may have a smile on my face while I do it, but it is sharp and harsh. One might wonder if I stand on the edge of sanity, when I sing like this.

I found out that my singing, as a weapon,  is not my original, bright idea. This morning, after my sweet, sweet boys started fighting, my own sweet, sweet mother started singing, "I want to be kind to everyone..."

Yep. We have fun on our vacation.

So, we're on a short vacation. But not from my plans. My mom asked what kind of food I wanted her to get, and I just said, "Lots of vegetables." And she delivered. She even had two tomatoes and a cucumber in her garden that she saved just for me. She's pretty great.

EXERCISE: Womp, womp. Sad face
FOOD: Great week until weekend. Food left over from 4th and stress were not a great combo.
FOOD TRACKING: Great - 5 full, and 1 partial day of 7
HYDRATION: Really good