Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Everyone Has One...

I've always been a sucker for "the back-story". That and sappy love songs, especially by Barry Manilow. But putting Barry aside for now, I love a good back-story in books, in movies, and in the TV shows I watch. They give a glimpse of how a person got where they are - one choice, or a series of choices that put them on their current path. The whole point of this blog is to keep an account of my path as I change its direction. I'm glad I'm keeping this record, as hard as it sometimes is to witness my own weakness. I've never been a great journal keeper. In fact, my grandmother gave me a journal when I turned 8 and I was still using it in high school (and even then I was only about half way through it). But I've been thinking a lot about my own back-story. This will not be the post that reveals all my secrets and solves my dilemma with food. It is something that I'm taking a thorough look at. I think that sometimes when we look back on our own lives, it can be a bit cock-eyed. It's too easy to gloss over the bad stuff and make other stuff better than it really was - or just the opposite - focus on the bad and completely forget the wonderful things that happened. 

I've been watching a series on TLC called, "My 600 Pound Life." It started as a way to scare myself - kind of like watching "Hoarders" or "Buried Alive" when my pack rattishness starts to really take hold. Thank heaven I'm not 600 pounds, but I could be. I never thought I'd be this big, so is 600 pounds really that far off? Anyway, in "My 600 Pound Life" it shows a 7 year period after each patient's gastric bypass surgery. It shows all the struggles and triumphs and yes, some of the back-story on each of the patients. With each subject, food is very emotional. Just because their stomachs are more than half their previous size, it doesn't change all they've been through before and the habits they've created. It doesn't change the fact that they turn to food for comfort or for celebration. I do that. It's silly when you really think of it. What comfort can a bag of potato chips give? 

Today I had a doctor appointment. My doctor was glad that I'm on the track I am, but apparently losing 5 pounds is not enough. She took a biopsy (let me tell you, OW!!) of my uterine tissue, to make sure those pre-cancerous cells have not come back. Driving home, I was a bit crampy and a bit down after hearing that she "knows it's hard," but basically I just need to try harder and all I could think about was a cheeseburger and french fries. Not even a good cheeseburger - I wanted a greasy McDouble and a large fry from McDonalds. Luckily, I saw it for what it was and went home to eat my salad. It may seem small, but it was a triumph - just one out of hundreds of fails, but it was a triumph for today. Ironically, I got home to find out that Lobster had picked boy #2 up from pre-school and took him to lunch...at McDonalds. I kept my tantrum to myself.

So, I'm taking a closer look at my back-story. I'm hoping it will give me better insight to the choices I made so that I can get to the point that I won't make them again. And just so you know, my assignments from last week have been almost completed. I went to the YMCA and will be getting a membership this week. I have figured out a work-out schedule that should leave no room for excuses for the rest of the school year and the summer too. And although my attitude has not been completely adjusted, I'm feeling much better.

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