Sunday, June 10, 2012

YOU GET WHAT YOU GET

Each of us has our own set of challenges. I've wondered why my challenges are mine quite a bit, especially lately. And after talking to a friend of mine the other night, I think a lot of others do as well.  So,  I think that instead of infertility and obesity,  I've decided I'd like, oh - a little insomnia and a head full of cowlicks. 


Now I know, that "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger" and all that blather. But how is it handed out? Is it our Heavenly Father who knows what lessons we need to learn? Is it biology and genetics?  Is it our own choices? Luck?  Well, I think that it's all of the above rolled up into a tight little ball of "Here you go - roll with it."


Lobster and I went to a birthday party the other night at some friends' house. We hadn't spent time with these friends for a long while and it was really fun. There were about 7 couples there and we all brought potluck salads and desserts, etc. Those are my favorite types of parties because it's so fun to taste what everyone else brings. While the men were out bonding around the grill, we ladies were seated around the kitchen island chatting and getting things set up. Anyway, there were potato chips there, as there so often are. Well, I popped one in my mouth - crispy, greasy heaven! And so many more followed the first until I forced myself to get up and move away from the bowls - which was a feat in and of itself. When I filled my plate I specifically avoided that side of the island so I wouldn't get more. Believe me, there was plenty of delicious food all around me - a lot of it quite healthy - but I could not get my mind off those chips. 


Then toward the end of the meal, I notice one friend - a beautiful woman with a gorgeous figure bring the bowl of chips to the table and finish them off. Now I don't know the fitness routine of my friend. For all I know she exercises two hours a day to keep looking so good. But to me, at that moment, it all seemed very unfair. Never mind that her daily food choices are probably very different from mine. Forget that her mother is just as svelte as she and so genetics are in her favor. At that moment I would have gladly traded her troubles for mine in a heartbeat. To be able to sit and eat that bowl of chips without guilt and shame and enjoy every mouthful the way she did would be wonderful. 


My friend was hardly being a glutton. This was after 14 people AND our hosts' children had already had their share. There couldn't have been many chips left. And I really don't want to trade my troubles. Who knows what I would get? Maybe she really can't sleep. I was just kidding - I don't want insomnia. I love to sleep and I love that I can sleep just about whenever I put my head down. I'm sure she wouldn't want my troubles, either. 


I guess my point is that we get what we get. As boy 2's pre-school teacher always told his class, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." If Lobster and I had been able to get pregnant, these 2 wonderful boys asleep in their beds right now wouldn't be there. I wouldn't be able to know and love them and kiss their heads and shake mine at the things they do. Yes, we will even still have unique experiences because our children are adopted. Yes, it took FOREVER and it was painful for Lobster and me, but who could say that something different would be any better? I am happy with the way my family came to be.


Someday, I may be able to look back on this period of my life in the same way. The journey is hard and sometimes tricky and sometimes treacherous. But it's mine - and it is worth it.







12 comments:

  1. Oh Amy, I love you so. mom b.

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  2. Amy,
    Your family is a wonderful family and I'm thankful you have them too!
    They are yours forever :)
    Way to go in walking away from the chips small steps are as important as big steps
    keep up the good work
    love you
    maxine

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    1. Thank you, Maxine! And thanks for the good reminder - "small steps are as important as big steps". It may take me a while, but small steps still get me there. Love you!

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  3. I love your blog!! Thanks for baring your soul for our enlightenment. You're right...the journey might not be what we thought or hoped it would be when we set out, but it's worth it.

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    1. Thanks, Jen. I really appreciate it!

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  4. Ahhh Amy, I know the...."I want those chips, I want those chips" feeling. But, YOU DID IT. You string all the little successes together and they add up. It took me years, but I baby stepped my way to victory. You have so many people who love you and your beautiful family. You probably don't realize the support and love you have. Hang in there. Take it one chip bowl at a time.
    Love ya.

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  5. Tammy! I'm so glad I have have you to look to for great advice, wonderful example and humor. Love you!

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  6. Amy, you have no idea how I identify with your feelings right now! I've been struggling --crying a lot-- this weekend, trying to deal with some challenges of my own. I so understand your wish that you had different challenges (but not really wanting them). Don't we really just wish we didn't have the ones we do, but no thanks to any extra ones? The hardest part for me is that what's bothering me is probably no big deal to most people, and I just need to grow up and get over it. So I hardly even want to admit my struggles to anyone, I feel lonely, and I feel like life is so unfair. But I guess we all have our struggles. Life can be unfair for everyone, just in different ways. And I'm so sorry you have to say no to potato chips.
    Thanks for reminding me that I'm not alone, even if we're not the same. And call me next time you want some potato chips. I'll eat some for you and tell you they taste terrible ;)

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    1. I will take you up on that, Jocelyn! And don't worry so much about getting over it right now. Our struggles are ours. If it wasn't a big deal to us, it wouldn't be a struggle. We just have to keep moving forward - even if it's baby steps! We'll help each other. Call me when you need a sympathetic ear, and I'll call you when I need one. I'd ask you to eat chips for me, but I'd know you were lying when you told me how awful they are!

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    2. Well, yes, I would be lying. But I would try real hard to sell it--just for you!
      Maybe I will call you next time I need a shoulder. It's good to know I have one more person on my call-if-crying list. Thanks.

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  7. Hey Amy--you r such a wonderful writer. You r so courageous to fight your battles and share your learning along the way. It is fun to get to read your thoughts because I feel like I have just talked to u. The only problem is that I haven't talked :). One of these days I will have to call or send u a message to catch up. A lot of life happens as we go along. You r such a good girl and I enjoy hearing about your family. I feel fortunate to call u friend! Love ya!

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    1. Thank you! Oh, Karyn, I miss our talks too and we do need to catch up. The time just flies by. I hope to talk to you soon! Love you!

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