I started writing weekly over a year ago. I wanted to keep a record of my losing weight. I wanted to hold myself accountable and hoped that my friends and family reading about my progress would keep my motivation going strong. I was hoping that it might BE my motivation when mine was lacking.
I've watched people all around me losing weight and getting healthy - changing their lives and their bodies.
And I sit here, stuck.
Oh, I'm stuck in a mire of my own making.
I know it.
But, still, I am stuck.
I can't even complain. It feels too much like whining (it is), and I've done enough of that (I have).
For this whole time, I've been looking at this weight loss thing not as a diet, but as a change in the way I and my family live. I've not been in a hurry, though it would be nice to just have it disappear. I have figured as long as my weight is moving in the right direction, it doesn't really matter how long it takes. The time is going to pass anyway, right?
And time is passing. And I have bounced around the same 5 pounds since August.
Eight months of not totally taking a nose-dive, but not really doing very well, either. If I were an employee having a review, I would SO be fired. Mediocrity is really something for which to aspire, yes? And, bah! I'm trying to not think about the weight that I could have lost in that time.
And so, this vehicle that I chose to keep me motivated has become my weekly public humiliation. OK, it's not that bad (most of the time). That was a bit dramatic.
I'm not giving up. But, I'm not promising anyone that I'll be inspiring, either. I know that it is about my choices every day. I can make good choices. I've chosen to not walk in front of a moving car. I've chosen to be kind to animals. I've made the choice to eat more vegetables and less processed foods. I make good choices - every day.
I just need to make more of them. And fine-tune others.
And I need to actually make those choices. Not just write about them. It's so easy to talk (or write) about what I need to do. Much harder to follow through. I need to walk the walk - to realize that when I give in to what I want right now, I'm giving up what I really want.
So, I'm stuck. Is admitting I'm stuck half the battle? No? Well, dammit!
I'm stuck. But, the good news is, I know how to get out.
Is that half the battle?
I sure hope so.