One day last week, I looked on Goodreads.com and saw that a friend of mine had met her goal of reading 80 books in 2013. By September, she had read 80 books.
80 BOOKS!
All of a sudden, my 29 books was a pittance. I mean, my friend has 3 young boys, her own business, has lost a significant amount of weight (she looks FANTASTIC!) and volunteers at school and church and does things with her family and friends. AND SHE READ 80 BOOKS!
My feeling of accomplishment disappeared, and it was replaced with discouragement. I started to question how she was able to meet her goal. That is exactly 1.54 books each week. How is that even possible when you have an already busy life?
When I realized that I was tearing her down to make myself feel better, I was ashamed. I was already envious of her in her weight-loss efforts. But, she worked hard for it. She has logged into My Fitness Pal every day - for over 200 days in a row. She exercises several times per week. She works hard. And she is an amazing, strong, driven woman. She accomplishes a lot. No wonder she met her goal of reading 80 books. She is a person that accomplishes goals. She makes things happen.
Why do we compare ourselves to others? Why get out that measuring stick at all? I was happy with the number of books I had read. I was proud of it.
You know, sometimes comparing ourselves to others is not such a bad thing. We can see something in a friend's experience - something that worked for them, or made things easier and use that information in our own lives. We can see that someone accomplished something and be inspired to do better.
But often in our measuring, we come up short. And it stops us cold.
My boys are comparing all the time. One has more milk than the other. How many crackers did you get? How many kisses? How much time with Daddy? How many songs before bedtime? Over and over I tell them, "That doesn't matter. Right now, we're talking about you, not him. You don't need to worry about that."
Why can't I take my own advice? I don't need to worry about that.
It's destructive, this comparison thing; this measuring our weakness against another's strength. This life is not a competition with those around us. There is always going to be someone prettier, smarter, skinnier, richer, stronger, happier, luckier, better read than we. It doesn't make us any less amazing. It doesn't diminish what we do.
So, help a girl out. Share with me how you keep your head up. Tell me how you stay positive. Divulge your secret to avoiding the measuring stick. Give a friend a hand.
Amy, I understand your struggle so well. I think many of us women have trouble with comparing. And that friend of ours does look so stinking' fabulous . . . I try to be happy for her instead of comparing. And then I wish she would teach me how to do it.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that has helped me not compare myself to others is this talk: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/the-laborers-in-the-vineyard?lang=eng
I love the imagery of drinking "another quart of pickle juice" every time something good happens to someone else. Sounds disgusting! Why would I do that to myself? So when I get feeling bad about myself just because someone else is fortunate, talented, or pretty, I remind myself that I'm drinking pickle juice and I try to snap out of it.
Follow that up by giving yourself some credit! 29 books is an accomplishment. Not to mention 27 pounds! Woohoo, 27 pounds! That's amazing! You've been working so hard. Good job!
I'm going to read that article, it sounds great!
DeleteI think part of the problem is that I haven't been working as hard at the weight loss. Sigh. I've been stuck for a year and I seem to not be able to roll out of this rut.
Thanks for the encouragement! I'm sure going to miss you. :(
That friend is awesome, I like her too. But I don't wish you were just like her. You are awesome. My key to try not to compare too much is I try to dial back any kind of self-talk I wouldn't want to hear a friend say about herself. I wish I was better at lots of things, but I only get this one life, so I want to try not to inflict misery upon myself.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Carrie. I don't want to be her, just want her accomplishments. Ha! Just kidding, I just need to be happy for people without feeling bad about myself for not accomplishing the same things. (facepalm)
DeleteAnd btw, you're pretty awesome, yourself!