Monday, February 13, 2012

French Fried Stress?


I think I was a little cocky in thinking that I wouldn’t have to change much to lose weight. I thought that because I have so much to lose, that at first, it would just slide right off. I have lost a little over 2 pounds in the past month. It’s not so much sliding as oozing.

I have been eating better. I eat my salad for lunch most days and my eating at night has been cut down to only a night or two a week. But, as I’ve talked about before, eating proper serving sizes is really hard for me. I know it’s about re-training myself and just doing it every day.

I was thinking about when I put my weight on. In the past 6 years I have packed on about 90 pounds – 15 pounds per year. I can’t help but notice that it coincides with my becoming a mom. I’d been waiting and praying for children for over 10 years. Fertility treatments and artificial insemination didn’t work and adopting through an agency was taking such a long time. So we were trained as foster parents, hoping to adopt and we were blessed with the placement of a beautiful 13-year-old foster daughter and then, a few months later, with the cutest not-so-little 20 month old boy. There was a definite learning curve instantly parenting a half-grown child and a toddler. When our foster daughter (a supposed permanent placement), went back to live with her birth family, the stress and sadness over her leaving was overwhelming. During the process of her family making the required changes, I felt like I had to hold a lot of it in and be outwardly supportive of her choice, although I knew it would be so hard for her there. I also had boy #1 here who needed and deserved my best love and attention.

That’s when my night eating really got going. When the house was quiet and the kids were in bed, I ate my stress in my dinner leftovers. I downed my sadness with a bowl of ice cream. And I felt better for a little while. The routine turned to habit and here I am. The worst part (other than gaining the weight) is that the stress and sadness didn’t go away. I worked through nothing. I just buried it in food. Of course, pain can lessen with time. Stress comes and goes with life. My foster daughter and I are still in touch. She has chosen a rough road for herself. I love her just as much, but it has evolved to more a friendship than parental love.

Being a parent, as much as I love it, is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Losing weight is an extremely close second. My challenge is to find a way to work out stress and other emotional situations (happening DAILY) that doesn’t involve food or taking it out on my family. Exercise is going to have to be a big part of that. I was hoping to lose more weight before I added in the exercise so I wouldn’t hurt so much, but it doesn’t look like that’s an option for me. I hope I can squeeze my poor swollen feet into my walking shoes. 

7 comments:

  1. Exercise is hard, but definitely worth it. I thought I would HATE it. I don't like to sweat or be red-faced, but I've really grown to love it. The couple of days a week when I don't go to the gym, I feel a little antsy and can't wait until I can go again. It took me a long time of working out to get there, but I'm there now and I hope it doesn't go away. You can do this. Walking is great for the soul.

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  2. If you ever want a walking buddy in the evenings, please give me a call! I honestly don't mind walking a couple times a day, so if you're worried that I won't want to go, don't! I have been known to go running in the morning and walk in the evening for the social aspect (when not pregnant and in shape). I'll go as long or as short as you'd want. Plus, I love hanging out with you, so it would be a double plus!

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  3. Thank you, Brooke. I remember a time (so long ago) that I was active and I did love it. You're such a good example to me. I've been so proud of you and your commitment to being active!

    Kari, thank you! I love hanging out with you too. I'll give you a call. Having a walking buddy would help, I'm sure.

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  4. Amy - I was thinking about you the other day at the gym because there was a sign hanging on the wall that said "There is no such thing as small change". You are making changes in your life and they are all for the good. Keep your head up and looking forward.....there are good things to come and you are walking toward them.

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    1. Thanks, Ann. I need to remember that - look forward. Looking back won't help me. You're a good friend!

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  5. I still have a LOOOONG way to go. I did a body composition test yesterday, and although the results were what I expected, it still felt like a kick in the gut. But, I know I can do it, and I know you can too. It's hard work, but we can get there.

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    1. I was thinking about that this morning and wondering how that went for you. It's important that we know the truth so we know where to start. That's exactly what I've been trying to do - stop hiding and know the truth about myself so I can change it. It's too easy to lie to ourselves. You're right that it is hard work - and that we can do it. Thanks, Brooke. I got good-fitting shoes this morning, so I have one less excuse.

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