thankful

Well, there I go again, getting cocky. I wasn't worried about Thanksgiving at all.

 And, I guess, to be fair, I did great on Thanksgiving. 

I thought that as long as I ate according to plan the rest of the week, I wasn't going to limit myself and I really couldn't do too much damage in one day.  I had a small taste of everything, including dessert. 

My favorite dishes were the cornbread stuffing with gravy on top (by the way, slathering your turkey with butter and chopped herbs makes for a tasty gravy!), and the sour cream apple pie.

But then, Friday morning, we had pie for breakfast. 

What?!? 

My boys were equally surprised. Pie for breakfast, Mom? Do people really do that? Really? Yes, really.

But, from there, it was a slippery slope to pie town and over-eatsville.

So, although I'm not thankful for my 3 and 1/2 pound gain this week, there are a lot of things for which I AM thankful. I was blog browsing and came across one that I like called, Back To Her Roots. Cassie had listed 100 things she was thankful for. 

I wondered if I could come up with 100 things to put on my list. It took me a couple of days, but I did! And you lucky people have get to read it.

100 THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

1. My Lobster - love you honey!
2. Boy 1 
3. Boy 2
4. Adoption
5. Our dog, Sophie
6. Warm home
7. My parents
8. My siblings
9. My extended family and in-laws
10. Good friends
11. Gospel of Jesus Christ
12. Those fighting for my freedom
13. School teachers that care about my kids
14. Beautiful Oregon
15. Enough and good food to eat
16. Lobster's employment
17. Prayer
18. Clean water
19. Adequate income that allows me to stay at home
20. Books
21. Trees and plants
22. Electricity
23. Flushing toilets
24. Trashy TV
25. Good movies
26. Our large back yard
27. The Internet
28. Computers
29. Freedom  of choice
30. Diet Coke
31. Thanksgiving leftovers
32. The temple
33. Music
34. My bed
35. Sunshine
36. Naps
37. Automatic dishwashers
38. Automatic clothes-washing machine
39. Wood burning fireplace
40. Cozy quilts
41. Non-stick cookware
42. Make-up
43. Cars
44. Hot water
45. Garlic
46. Toothbrushes and toothpaste
47. Chapstick
48. Quiet time
49. Vegetables
50. Magic Erasers
51. Good neighbors
52. Fruit
53. Clean air
54. Scriptures
55. Hugs
56. Kissing
57. Facebook
58. Rain
59. Bedtime
60. Window screens
61. Body powder
62. Pain medication
63. Health insurance
64. The library
65. Rocks
66. Scentsy - Coconut Lemongrass
67. Bamboo wooden spoons
68. Covered patio
69. Thick, rich lotion
70. Holding hands
71. Toilet paper
72. Garage
73. Salsa
74. YMCA
75. You - the few that read my ramblings
76. Sharp pencils
77. My church family
78. Good smelling soap
79. The beach
80. Snow in the mountains - away from where I am
81. Christmas decorations
82. Back scratchers - especially the human variety
83. Doctors
84. Slippers
85. Heavy glassware
86. Cheese
87. Organized cabinets
88. Glad Press'N Seal
89. Ice cubes
90. Hair dissolving drain cleaner
91. Vinegar
92. Toothpicks
93. Paint
94. Schwans home delivery
95. Night-time cold medicine
96. Weed killer
97. Laughter
98. Drive-thru pharmacies
99. Laundry stain remover
100. Handyman services

Whew!

What are you thankful for?

Light Bulb!

I was at the grocery store early last week. It's not my favorite place to be. It's especially not a wise place to be after the afternoon and evening my boys had given me. Being a mom is not for sissies. The boys have really been testing every drop of patience I have - which I'm finding isn't much. We're going through a rough patch lately and I'm feeling a lot of stress. But we needed a few things before breakfast the next day and, for Heaven's sake, I can WALK AROUND AND GET MILK AND EGGS BY MYSELF, RIGHT?

Apparently not.

I haven't bought potato chips in a long time. It's not a safe food to have in my house. I have been very careful about not having them in the house and I specifically avoid the potato chip isle at most stores. 

At the store I went to, however, you must walk right by the potato chip isle to get to the milk AND the eggs. I know it's on purpose. I know they know what they're doing (They being those marketing experts who know where to place everything in the store). You know, they.

This grocery store also sells slices of cake in their bakery. Very large slices of cake. Genius, it is -  cake by the slice. I have very rarely bought an entire cake, but I have been known to buy a slice here and there. The bakery is, of course, right by the produce section as you walk into the store. There were these huge slices of chocolate cake with luscious mint frosting that seemed to be glowing and pulsing with big arrows in a circle all around them saying, "pick me! pick me!"  

What? You mean the food at the grocery store doesn't talk to you? Hm. Interesting.

I walked on by. These flip flops are made for walkin', baby.

But then, I saw them. The potato chips. Oh, the chips. Have I told you how much I love potato chips? They didn't just talk to me. They wooed me. They turned on their Barry White, deep sexy man voice and said, "Hey, baby. Come on over here, darlin', you know you want me."

And I did. I. SO. DID.

You know what else I did? I put a bag of potato chips in my cart. I bought it, and brought it home. I opened that bag of potato chips and I ate them. I ate them all.

Ugh. I felt so sick. Not only my poor stuffed tummy, but my heart was sick. I haven't eaten like that in a long time. But all of a sudden, a light bulb turned on. I'm a binger.

I must be a bit dense. I knew that I ate a lot. I knew that I eat more when I'm angry, sad or stressed - especially when I'm feeling a lot of stress. That's when I feel this "need" to just stuff and stuff. It's like I'm trying to bury the feeling so I can't feel it anymore. But, we all know how well that has worked. 

In the reading I've done, binge eating is the most common eating disorder. It occurs in 3% of adults in the United States. If differs from overeating in that the person:

• Eats food more quickly during a binge than at other times
• Eats until uncomfortably full
• Eats even when not hungry
• Eats alone, or hide evidence of binges
• Feels disgusted and embarrassed about what they've eaten

 Although I got information from a variety of places, you can read about binge eating here.

I have not been diagnosed by a medical professional. This week, I have done a lot of reading and have decided that I fit the "profile" of a person that binges. Keeping track of eating and maintaining an active lifestyle can help control binges. It has for me, until this week. Psychotherapy is recommended to help with the emotional "issues" that go along with binge eating.

Overall, I need to find a new way to handle and work out stress. There was no weight loss this week, but I feel lucky that I didn't gain. I'm feeling very positive right now. I know that stress will just keep on coming, but I'm hoping I can write and walk my way through it. Maybe I need a punching bag on my patio. I'll bet that would help!

What do you do to combat and work through stress?

GOOD REMINDER

I got a message from a friend several weeks ago. I had been complaining (yes, again) about having to plan my life and how the measuring and tracking of food was a downer...blah, blah blah. You know, Boy 1 has been saying "blah, blah" a lot, lately. I wonder where he gets it? But I wander - where was I? 

My long-time friend sent me a message and it really hit home. I tend to get so caught up in my own tiny little world that I forget that I'm not the only one with food issues, I'm not the only one that has to limit my intake and take control of my health. She wrote,

"I keep thinking to remind you that thinnish people struggle with weight, portion control, calorie count, and motivation. I think it's actually very few people who really don't think much about it. It's so much a part of my life, that I'm really not even aware unless I stop and think about it, how much thought and energy goes into thinking about what I eat. Somewhat subconsciously, I think about what activity I will have during the day and equate that to how much I can eat. If I know we are going to eat out, or having the kids around for favorite foods, then I pretty much eat veggies during the day to compensate. I've learned that even though I sweat and get breathless during a workout, I only burn about 200 calories, so I mentally adjust for that too. Then you factor in again and hormones, and it becomes a daily life activity without really being that aware of it. The short of it...don't feel sad that you have to count and measure and plan and adjust...just think of it as part of life and anything else like planning a budget, laundry, yard work, etc...

It is a bit of a battle every day. How weird would it be if battles with pride, envy, bitterness, gossip, spite, etc. showed up on people in a physical form? Weight is such a small part of who we are...I think it's important to remember that we strive for health, but being a kind and loving person is so much more important."

Now, this friend of mine is amazing. She is gorgeous in every possible way. If I didn't love her so much, I'd be more than just a bit jealous (I wonder what that would look like on the outside). I love the way she thinks and I ask her advice, or often ask myself what I think she would do. The thought of our inner struggles manifesting in physical form, as our weight does, really made me think.  People can take one look at me and see that I eat too much and don't get enough exercise. They can't see why, and unless they see me exercising, they can't see that I've changed my behavior. 

It's so easy - because we can't see the ooey, gooey centers - to focus on the outer shell; not only with others, but with ourselves. While we work on getting healthy, are we tending only to our bodies? Something to think about, friends.

A little after I received this message from my friend, I saw a post on a blog called Single Dad Laughing. It discussed what type of fruit people's different personalities would be. I thought how well it would work with what I'm writing about and I'm a bit ticked off that he thought of it first. (Click HERE to see the post - it's good.)

I had a good loss this past week - a little over 3 pounds. My total weight loss since January is now 27 pounds. I started tracking my weight on My Fitness Pal in June, so 9 pounds in the first 6 months and 18 in the next five. This sounds random, but 27 pounds is more than a bag of dog food (I like to image the weight as something familiar). I've got a LONG way to go, but I'm feeling good and on the right track.

Have a great week!

Success? NOT!

There is nothing like that feeling of giving yourself a challenge 

and...

completely failing.

Sigh.
Double sigh.

Maybe I was too ambitious. Maybe I took on too much. Or maybe, I fell back into my old habits and failed to plan. Just maybe. (Insert a sarcastic eye roll here)

But I do have better control over my eating. I lost whatever weight I gained the previous week and about a half pound more. And I am feeling better - not so funk-ish. I think a rough couple of weeks combined with hormonal adjustments - of the monthly variety -  twisted into my own personal perfect storm. 

Emotions are no joke. 

I was reading on Can You Stay For Dinner this past week. I really like how Andie Mitchell has been able to find balance. On her site, she wrote:

"I realized that in order to live a fulfilling life in all aspects, food had to be a friend, not an enemy. When I first admitted to myself that food had been my love affair/dependency for the majority of my life, I was angry. I felt that I had to get away from it, to not let it be the focus of my mind. But as I’ve heard someone say before, “Food addiction isn’t like addiction to alcohol or drugs where you can just remove it from your life. With food, you need it to live. You have to have it everyday.” This statement only brings to light the fact that the only way through food addiction is by making peace with it. Food is just food. Chocolate cake isn’t “bad,” carrots aren’t “good,” and Bavarian cream donuts didn’t make me morbidly obese. I was the one who abused the food and gave it character. So I learned to view food as a neutral entity, not positive or negative. And my eating Bavarian cream donuts, similarly, was not positive or negative. (Though I’d dare to say it was one hell of a positive). By shifting the emphasis from my emotional bondage with food to a focus on building a new and healthy relationship with it, I was able to start over. I regained an understanding that eating, while enjoyable, was not the end all be all to my happiness. Social gatherings involving food had less to do with the buffet and more to do with the social part. Vacations were times to enjoy new environments, make memories with people I love, and yes, to taste fun and new cuisine. I rediscovered the other parts of my life that had been overshadowed by the menu...

  I came to realize that in dieting, I thought I missed the foods themselves, when in reality I missed the quantity. I missed the abundance and the overeating. That’s when I knew I was using food to fill a void. I didn’t just want the taste of a warm brownie sundae, I wanted it to make me so full that I became numb and couldn’t think about anything but my distressed belly. I suppose whatever emotion I was feeling inside I wanted to stuff away. And truth be told, I never once felt any better in doing this. One hour later, the emotion was still there and food had not cured it. In learning that I missed the “over” part of overeating, I felt sort of free. It’s impossible to ignore the emotions when you don’t numb them anymore with massive quantities of food. Instead, I sat with the emotion. I let it be. That’s where the healing starts."

I love the way she expresses herself.  I totally know what she's talking about and I look forward to having a "normal" relationship with food - no matter my emotions.

Failure is not fun. Admitting to failure is even more not fun. But it helps bring things into better focus.

Michael Jordan said,

"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300  games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

 So, I failed last week. I didn't walk around the block every day.  I didn't read my scriptures every day. I didn't even make it to the YMCA 3 days, which is usually my minimum. I also didn't track my food.

I'll do better this week. Last week's failure not only made my goals clearer, but how I need to complete them. I'm not going to like giving up my alone time to go to bed earlier, but it will make my getting up earlier possible so that I can devote time to prayer, study, and meditation. Also, being awake before the boys is an added bonus. Hopefully, mornings will go much more smoothly having such a good start. We could definitely use better mornings.

Who's with me?

Do you need some motivation? This will scare you into doing whatever you need to...

You want this on your door-step?

I didn't think so. So, let's get to it. Have a great week.