Maybe I was too ambitious. Maybe I took on too much. Or maybe, I fell back into my old habits and failed to plan. Just maybe. (Insert a sarcastic eye roll here)
But I do have better control over my eating. I lost whatever weight I gained the previous week and about a half pound more. And I am feeling better - not so funk-ish. I think a rough couple of weeks combined with hormonal adjustments - of the monthly variety - twisted into my own personal perfect storm.
Emotions are no joke.
I was reading on Can You Stay For Dinner this past week. I really like how Andie Mitchell has been able to find balance. On her site, she wrote:
"I realized that in order to live a fulfilling life in all aspects, food had to be a friend, not an enemy. When I first admitted to myself that food had been my love affair/dependency for the majority of my life, I was angry. I felt that I had to get away from it, to not let it be the focus of my mind. But as I’ve heard someone say before, “Food addiction isn’t like addiction to alcohol or drugs where you can just remove it from your life. With food, you need it to live. You have to have it everyday.” This statement only brings to light the fact that the only way through food addiction is by making peace with it. Food is just food. Chocolate cake isn’t “bad,” carrots aren’t “good,” and Bavarian cream donuts didn’t make me morbidly obese. I was the one who abused the food and gave it character. So I learned to view food as a neutral entity, not positive or negative. And my eating Bavarian cream donuts, similarly, was not positive or negative. (Though I’d dare to say it was one hell of a positive). By shifting the emphasis from my emotional bondage with food to a focus on building a new and healthy relationship with it, I was able to start over. I regained an understanding that eating, while enjoyable, was not the end all be all to my happiness. Social gatherings involving food had less to do with the buffet and more to do with the social part. Vacations were times to enjoy new environments, make memories with people I love, and yes, to taste fun and new cuisine. I rediscovered the other parts of my life that had been overshadowed by the menu...
I came to realize that in dieting, I thought I missed the foods themselves, when in reality I missed the quantity. I missed the abundance and the overeating. That’s when I knew I was using food to fill a void. I didn’t just want the taste of a warm brownie sundae, I wanted it to make me so full that I became numb and couldn’t think about anything but my distressed belly. I suppose whatever emotion I was feeling inside I wanted to stuff away. And truth be told, I never once felt any better in doing this. One hour later, the emotion was still there and food had not cured it. In learning that I missed the “over” part of overeating, I felt sort of free. It’s impossible to ignore the emotions when you don’t numb them anymore with massive quantities of food. Instead, I sat with the emotion. I let it be. That’s where the healing starts."I love the way she expresses herself. I totally know what she's talking about and I look forward to having a "normal" relationship with food - no matter my emotions.
Failure is not fun. Admitting to failure is even more not fun. But it helps bring things into better focus.
Michael Jordan said,
"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."So, I failed last week. I didn't walk around the block every day. I didn't read my scriptures every day. I didn't even make it to the YMCA 3 days, which is usually my minimum. I also didn't track my food.
I'll do better this week. Last week's failure not only made my goals clearer, but how I need to complete them. I'm not going to like giving up my alone time to go to bed earlier, but it will make my getting up earlier possible so that I can devote time to prayer, study, and meditation. Also, being awake before the boys is an added bonus. Hopefully, mornings will go much more smoothly having such a good start. We could definitely use better mornings.
Who's with me?
Do you need some motivation? This will scare you into doing whatever you need to...
You want this on your door-step?
I didn't think so. So, let's get to it. Have a great week.