Sunday, October 28, 2012


There are dishes in the sink. At least one load goes through the dishwasher every day, but what doesn't make it then, waits for the next. My usual "pile" on the kitchen table has morphed into it's own force to be reckoned with - but not today. Clothes, while folded, are stacked on the couch but will probably find their way back to the mother pile AGAIN and I'll have to refold them for the third time. You don't even want to know what my bedroom looks like. I have chosen to Hunker Down at home instead of going to Halloween parties and fun activities. And I LOVE Halloween. 

I'm in a bit of a funk. I recognize it. It's almost like it's happening right in front of me to someone else. 


I just don't know how to step in and intervene. I know I need to shake that woman in the mirror and yell, "WAKE UP!", but I just can't seem to find the energy.

I use the word "funk" because it doesn't sound too serious. And, it's usually not. I shake myself out of it, clean up my mess and go on. But usually with some making up to do. My eating, this week,  has been a bit out of control. Although I haven't had any real binges, my portions have been too big, and I've not been counting exchanges or calories. I didn't even bother to weigh myself this morning and I haven't all week. I'm sure I'm in for an unpleasant surprise. I think I'll wait until next week. What really ticks me off, is I was coming from a really good place. Now, I feel like I have to climb back up there.

Life isn't always rosy. Things get crazy and hard sometimes. I was seriously thinking about just "forgetting" to write this week's post, but if I'm going to be honest - with others as well as myself- I need to record where I am. If I don't examine these feelings and how I react to them, I will never change the behavior that follows. Eating doesn't make things easier. Eating doesn't make me feel better. The hole I am trying to fill will never be filled with food, although I keep trying to do so. I just need to find out what will. And that's what "this" is all really about. Figuring it out.

Today, at church, I listened to a second grader speak about an experience she had with prayer.  She said that she got her answer because she had prayed for help and then did not give up, even when it was hard and frustrating. She didn't expect her answer to be plopped down on her pretty little head. She knew she needed to keep working because she had asked for help and hadn't received it yet.

This week, I am going to:

  • Pray intently for help - every day - making sure I express gratitude for my good life.
  • Read scriptures daily, looking for personal revelation and guidance.
  • Get enough sleep.
  • Go to the Y at least 3 days this week.
  • Walk around the block every day. Even when it's raining. 
  • Track my food - focusing particularly on my serving sizes.

What do you do to maintain your mental health?

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