Monday, July 22, 2013

Oh, To Be 19 Again...

It was my father's birthday this past week. He would have been 75. My sister put a photo of him at 19 on Facebook. He looked so happy and young. I could really see my sister's resemblance to him - something I had not noticed before.

I was showing the picture, one I have on my wall, here at home, to my sons. I asked Boy 2 if I looked like my dad, and he said, "Well, he's a lot skinnier." I laughed and agreed. I started thinking about how I looked when I was 19, and if I also resemble him. So, I got out all the old pictures and found a few from 1989, you know, the good old days. The days of shoulder pads and big hair. Those were some good times.

So, here's the picture of my dad. Doesn't he look handsome? And here's me at 19.

I don't see too much resemblance...maybe, just a little around the mouth.

Just for fun, here's another:

And to think, I really wasn't happy with the way I looked then. Silly girl.

Sometimes, it's hard to stay positive. I've been struggling with that a bit, lately. I like to think that I'm generally a positive person.  I know I can do this. Why am I letting myself get tripped up? This is all a mental game. I'm the one who's supposed to be in charge around here. The frustration that comes with knowing just how much weight I need to lose is a bit overwhelming. Sometimes, I worry that won't be able to do it. 

And sometimes, because I feel it, I hear it from others - even when that's not what they are saying.

I try really hard to keep that doubt hidden. I keep it bound and gagged in a dark corner. It is always struggling to get free. And, at times, an arm or leg breaks loose. The gag slips just a bit and its whispers pierce and tear and deflate.

I think the key - and it sounds so trite and overly simple - is to truly take it one day at a time. One choice at a time, even. How can something so simple be so difficult? 

Let me know when you figure that out.

Like the old photographs I was looking through, my memories of my dad have become slightly fuzzy around the edges. I do remember a lot of love and laughs. He was a large man for most of his adult life. He didn't talk to me about his size and how that affected his spirit. He seemed very happy and positive. He's been gone almost 10 years, now, and I had lived in a different state for a few years before he died. I'm sure I only saw what he wanted me to see. I understand. I resemble him in that way.

Being positive is a choice. Sometimes, there are many things that get in the way, but the power is ours. And it is a power. Maybe, even, a special power. I can't read people's minds. I can't burn people/things to a crisp with my laser-vision (as much as I would love to, at times. Sometimes the stink-eye is just not enough). My super-speed isn't happening any time soon. I can choose to be happy. And I can choose to disregard the doubt. Only feed the positive thoughts. Maybe, I can make that ugly old doubt shrivel up and disappear. 


It's worth a try.

FOOD: It wasn't pretty, folks. Especially the second half of the week. 
FOOD TRACKING: 5 OF 7 days. My calories went over goal, 5 of 7 days, as well.
HYDRATION: Good, but not good enough. 3 words- Dirty Diet Coke. 


  1. Wow what a hot 19 year old :)
    Amy, you can do it, one pound at a time
    I've found lately that writing things, how I feel, etc....but I'm still working on it also.
    Hang in there my friend.
    keep smiling
    loveya maxine

  2. I love the old pictures! You are so beautiful Amy!

  3. You are so sweet! Thanks for the kind words.